(in)somnia

Something about being up, totally alone, in the middle of the night watching TV, netflix, or whatever - makes me happy and somewhat anxious at the same time. I don't really know where either emotion comes from - but they both seem to be necessary. Sleep doesn't seem to be possible. It's one thing to take something to make you sleep - but when you sleep, and wake up feeling like you didn't - I find that the time is better spent awake. I work things out in my head - and makes plans to make my life better. Then, eventually I go back to sleep - I wake up - I go about my day and utterly fail at all my attempts to control my environment, and my reactions to it. This occurs to me in the middle of the night. It seems sometime like the only difference between the insane and the rest of us is our ability to remember to feed, bathe, and clean up after ourselves.