Sick as a dog

This past Wednesday I woke to a pain that I wish no one else should ever have to endure. My throat was so swollen that just to swallow the saliva that collects in your mouth resulted in immense pain. That little thing that hangs down in the back of your mouth, the uvula - mine got infected. It was about 5x it's normal size - making speech and swallowing very difficult despite the pain. So I load up and go to the doc. I'm shivering on and off - and it's not cold - so I assume that I'm running a temperature.

When I get to the doc, luckily I got there early because I was the first patient to be seen. I don't know if I got lucky or maybe they noticed I was about to pass out in the waiting room - either way being first was a good thing. They checked my temp in my ear and said it was 99.7 - which estimates my core temp to be approximately 100.7 - not good. I curl up on the examination table and go to sleep. When I wake the doc comes in and is checking me out. The look on his face as he looks in my ears and in my throat is not a good one. You've done it good when a general physician is grossed out at the look of your throat. God knows what else he has to look at for the rest of the day.

So we're gonna get a shot, and some antibiotics, and then some cough syrup with some pain killer in it for the throat. Good deal - no problem - let's get this over with and get on home to the bed. Right hip - ouch - okay time to go....NOPE! Soon as the nurse could get out of the room my temperature hits overdrive, my stomach muscles cramp up, heart rate up, blood pressure drop way down - I'm about to pass out and/or throw up. I go over to the sink in the doctors office and immediately stick my head under the faucet. It was one of those tall sink faucets with quite a bit of clearance so I could get my head under pretty easily. All that was going through my mind was that this had to be from my high temp - and that more heat escaped from the body through the head than any other place on the body - and I couldn't throw up because I had just taken my first antibiotic. Thus my head under the faucet. The nurse notices I didn't file out of the room right behind her, so she comes back and finds me there, and then after a small argument and the discussion that it would be okay if I puked in the floor - she moved me back to the table and put wet paper towels all over me...which helped to cool me down. They then called my mother as obviously, driving wasn't going to be an option at the moment. My mother came and got me - took me home - and I went to bed.

I slept like a baby for a couple of hours, but my temperature wasn't going to stay down that easy. It crept back up and hit me like a hammer - I woke up with the same feeling I had right after I had gotten the shot. However, this time - my antibiotic at this point in time had plenty of time to have been absorbed - so I wasn't worried about trying to not throw up. At this point I've become literally week. I'm aching in places I didn't think were possible to ache and I've got to get to the bathroom. I literally crawl in there - and lose what little water I had been able to put down in the early morning hours, and then some minutes later awaken to find myself laying with my head halfway in the floor of the shower. I somehow made it back to the bed - and slept the rest of the day.

It's amazing to me how close you can feel to God when you feel scared, or sick, or both. The most fascinating thing to me is the natural inclination to start making promises to God if he'll just make you feel better in that state. I try to refrain from that sort of thinking, because it's irrational in my opinion - but no matter what - the thoughts almost always seem to find their way in there. I figure making promises to God could be looked at positively - but with us being creatures of sin - doomed by our own choices - I see making promises as being a bit irresponsible. I.E. I know I will sin again, therefore I see it as irresponsible to promise that I won't. You get the idea. Either way, the point of this writing is more or so a glance into the state-of-mind that one comes into when weakened, sick, and scared - when not in any form of control of one's state of being. The mind tells us to do whatever it takes to get out of that place, out of that sickness or frame of mind. A sort of desperation takes our intuition over and we're left with only the determination to end the suffering as soon as possible. I hate that feeling. I feel like I dread it more than being sick sometimes.

What do you think? Comments welcome.

Serenity, Peace, and freeze-dried food...

I played sports from the time I was 10 years old until I graduated from high school. Anyone who played year-round sports (wrestling, football, and baseball) knows what I mean when I say that I didn't have a lot of time for much else. I loved the idea of joining the Boy scouts when I was around 10 or so, but had to make a choice between sports or the scouts. The cub scout program I had been introduced to at my private school was a half-assed attempt at scouting that involved a lot of arts and crafts followed by snacks; I wanted to go camping, backpacking, rock climbing, rappelling, etc. Of course I didn't know then, that they don't let the youngest of the young go - but they didn't tell us when or if we would ever go - so sports got the go ahead on that one.

After that brief history I'll try to get back on track. Last June my wife and I took Austin and went to Oak Mountain to do a bit of car camping. It was very hot, but we had a blast. The morning after - I woke early (as I usually do) and found a trail that led all the way down to this little hidden spot on the lake near the campground. It was beautiful. I can't really describe how it made me feel to find that spot. It had to be a combination of the exercise getting my blood pumping, the smell of what the earth was meant to smell like, the beauty of the view - following by a kind of enlightenment; this is the way God intended us to feel the earth; smell, touch, see, hear the earth. After that trip, I started reading and exploring into the sport that is backpacking.

Backpacking is like camping - but more. Most people don't really know the difference. Camping can be staying at a park while on a trip, in a tent of course, just to save a few bucks instead of staying in a hotel. Camping is what you do when you son just wants to spend the night in a tent and you set one up in the backyard.

Backpacking is taking everything you take for granted in your daily life, strapping it to your back, and venturing into the unknown - prepared to take on the wild one step at a time. What do I mean? I mean taking your shelter, sleeping materials, stove, food, clothing, and other tools needed for survival and putting them all in a pack - and then just taking off. Where to? To where cars, ATV's, trucks, bikes, and other modern forms of transportation can not. To serenity, peace, and probably a place where freeze-dried food tastes its absolute best.

I went on approximately a 7 mile hike on my last off week at Oak Mountain. I went by myself. I got a map - checked it over - planned a route - drove to the Peavine Falls parking lot - loaded up my pack and took off. I took food, water, some extra rain clothing, and a GPS. At first I headed down a steep hill of rocks and small bent over trees, making me feel like I could fall at any moment. Then I found the waterfall. Beautiful. Peaceful. There was no one there at that moment but me - and I loved that. I began my hike right there and then. I just saw a trail and took off. Five minutes into the hike I had this goofy smile on my face and no real reason why. I hadn't just bought a new toy, I hadn't made a serious life changing accomplishment (at least according to the majority of society) - I was just out in the wood, in nature - and it was a beautiful day - and that in itself made me happy.

So that moment has fueled me even more. The idea of being in that happy place for more than just a few hours for a day hike - to spend the night in that place, and wake up to the birds singing - and keep that smile going a bit longer. Call me weird, or call me a hippie, or whatever label you prefer; but for someone who works in a high stress environment weekly - and experiences the amount of sadness and death that I do; finding the exact opposite environment is an amazing thing. And look at the bright side - it's really not that expensive. Well at first, yes. But once your initial gear rig is purchased - one can go on a one week excursion for no more than the price of the gas to get you to the trail head and the food you take along.

I really hope I've found a part of myself that has been dormant all along. I always loved the outdoors as a child, but as I grew up became more focused at computers, music, and my job - all things you do inside. I'm remembering how much I love baseball. And having a blast going to Austin's T-Ball games - and sometimes even helping out with coaching. I never thought coaching could be so fun. All outside, outdoors. Maybe I've found another key to open another door of happiness in my life. There will most definitely be more on this subject posted. I go to get my pack this morning. It won't be long till I'm ready for my first overnighter. I may do a gear review before that first trip as well. Well, until next time.